It is no secret that our little family has been doing it tough. It hasn't just been a season, it has been a series of life changing events that has created our challenging times for several years now.
Although I try to remain positive, and mostly I am, see the beauty in things, thankful for my blessings and am extremely savvy, living on an extremely tight budget for our family of six....
I hold my head up high and am thankful for the good and the lessons.
There is a flip side to this story.
I have heard it several times now, that some people don't share their difficulties and challenges with me as it would seem so insignificant to what we face, that I am strong, invincible and capable of holding so much on my shoulders.
I am strong. I don't over react. I am logical ...Yes!
I am not a Super Woman - I do not own a cape!
Let the truth be known ~
Because of all these events I am very good at prioritising, don't make mountains out of ant mounds and try not to sweat the small stuff but it can also be so isolating as no one can relate, young families should be in their prime, yeah? People do not see that often I am just treading water, and often feel like I am drowning. I am divided into so many pieces with other people's needs that there isn't much left. It takes a lot of my energy just to stay afloat, let alone swim a lap.
There are only a select few that I can be completely open with and share our challenges, to be raw ~ the ones who haven't stopped asking how we really are.
These kindred spirits touch my heart. They may never have walked in my shoes but can reflect on their own feelings and experiences of survival, solitude, anguish and joys and have an understanding, that I feel I connect with the most. The ones who touch base when they know sometimes it's hard for me to breathe let alone do the daily basics or whatever life throws at us.
I thank them for being such a wonderful ear and as Dr Phil often says, " A soft place to fall."
This Mumma Bear wears many hats ~ some I have chosen and many I have not. I am constantly trying to coordinate them the best way I can and I don't truly think one understands this until you have children of your own and have faced some challenging - really challenging situations.
I always hope we are making baby steps forward - sometimes I don't know.
What I do know is that we are sticking together, embracing our truths on such a raw and exposed level and doing the best with what we have.
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe, sometimes the responsibilities are too much to comprehend and sometimes I just want to escape, if only for a little while.
To be happy and sunny is not a destination but a journey. I know my life constantly tests me on my beliefs, my faith and my standards. It tests me - to be myself.
No one is invincible. We all have different breaking points and different levels of triumphs.
We all have feelings, the need to love and be loved, a need to belong and connect.
A need to be truly accepted as we are, for whom we are, with where we are at.
Sometimes we can be doing ok, really ok and something happens and it can tip us over and we need to start again from the ground up and lay new foundations.
It is in times like these, I pull the people closest to me closer, I become quiet, reflect, adapt, adjust and make changes. I am currently in these times.
When I gain enough strength, I adjust my sails to the wind and steer in the direction to ride the wave.
Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
an other's trouble,
Courage in your own.~Adam Lindsay Gordon
So I will...........in the words of Bob Marley ~
Don't worry about a thing.......
Cause every little thing gonna be alright...