Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Thankful Tuesday

Right now I am appreciating the simple pleasures, entertainment on a budget and drinking in the details....

So here are 10 things I am loving right now ~

1. red lipstick
2. scarves
3. my Converse ( keep my tootsies warm now the weather is cooling down)
4. hot cups of tea
5. The clear blue skies of Autumn
6. Blanket throws to snuggle on the couch
7. Lucia's wearing leg warmers to her first dance class this morning (I want a pair!)
8. Time spent with girlfriends, who 'get' me.
9. My love who told me I looked pretty this morning.
10. Writing with my Kikki K pen

They may be simplistic but these are the things that are often the best and the things I am savouring today.

What are you thankful for?

Have a happy day

Friday, May 18, 2012

Let the truth be known

It is no secret that our little family has been doing it tough.  It hasn't just been a season, it has been a series of life changing events that has created our challenging times for several years now.

Although I try to remain positive, and mostly I am, see the beauty in things, thankful for my blessings and am extremely savvy, living on an extremely tight budget for our family of six....
I hold my head up high and am thankful for the good and the lessons.

There is a flip side to this story.

I have heard it several times now, that some people don't share their difficulties and challenges with me as it would seem so insignificant to what we face, that I am strong, invincible and capable of holding so much on my shoulders.

I am strong. I don't over react. I am logical ...Yes!

I am not a Super Woman - I do not own a cape!

Let the truth be known ~

Because of all these events I am very good at prioritising, don't make mountains out of ant mounds and try not to sweat the small stuff but it can also be so isolating as no one can relate, young families should be in their prime, yeah? People do not see that often I am just treading water, and often feel like I am drowning. I am divided into so many pieces with other people's needs that there isn't much left.  It takes a lot of my energy just to stay afloat, let alone swim a lap.

There are only a select few that I can be completely open with and share our challenges, to be raw ~ the ones who haven't stopped asking how we really are.

These kindred spirits touch my heart. They may never have walked in my shoes but can reflect on their own feelings and experiences of survival, solitude, anguish and joys and have an understanding, that I feel I connect with the most.  The ones who touch base when they know sometimes it's hard for me to breathe let alone do the daily basics or whatever life throws at us.

 I thank them for being such a wonderful ear and as Dr Phil often says, " A soft place to fall."

This Mumma Bear wears many hats ~ some I have chosen and many I have not. I am constantly trying to coordinate them the best way I can and I don't truly think one understands this until you have children of your own and have faced some challenging - really challenging situations.


I always hope we are making baby steps forward - sometimes I don't know.
What I do know is that we are sticking together, embracing our truths on such a raw and exposed level and doing the best with what we have.

Sometimes I find it hard to breathe, sometimes the responsibilities are too much to comprehend and sometimes I just want to escape, if only for a little while.

To be happy and sunny is not a destination but a journey.  I know my life constantly tests me on my beliefs, my faith and my standards.  It tests me - to be myself.

No one is invincible.  We all have different breaking points and different levels of triumphs.

We all have feelings, the need to love and be loved, a need to belong and connect.
A need to be truly accepted as we are, for whom we are, with where we are at.

Sometimes we can be doing ok, really ok and something happens and it can tip us over and we need to start again from the ground up and lay new foundations.

It is in times like these, I pull the people closest to me closer, I become quiet, reflect, adapt, adjust and make changes. I am currently in these times.

When I gain enough strength, I adjust my sails to the wind and steer in the direction to ride the wave.

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in an other's trouble,
Courage in your own.
~Adam Lindsay Gordon

So I will...........in the words of Bob Marley ~

Don't worry about a thing.......
Cause every little thing gonna be alright...

Peace X

Friday, May 11, 2012


As I sit on my porch, grasping a moment, a peaceful moment of bliss

vino in one hand, and cupping my head in the other ~

I reflect ~ My day, my dreams, my hopes.

It appears anything is possible when I am one with this magnificant backdrop of the most equisite colours and devine brush strokes of an everchanging painting ~ often taking my breath away, the sunset.

This view calms my spirit, quietens my mind and touches my heart.

Simply amazing,

Taking time to 'smell the roses' and seeing the beauty that surrounds me,


Monday, May 7, 2012

You are my sunshine

Today I received a text that said several things but the one thing that stuck with me was the bit that said," Hopefully the sunshine you always talk of will inspire you to change your perspective....."

This has really got me thinking. 

What? Change my perspective to conform to YOUR thinking?

I am a cup half full kind of person.  I do believe in finding the beauty around you, and despite what you face in your life, beauty is to be found.  I profoundly believe in Sunny Mummy and all that the Sisterhood represents. Like-minded women supporting women, to be the best they can be, a gentle reminder to look after their children's mother and keep your face to the sun (no matter what storms appear).  This is an online community that I have had the privilege of meeting several Sunny Mummy's in real life and am proud to call several of them my friends.  Although I have lived my life by similar morals and values my entire life, I wholeheartedly support the ever evolving, very honest, Stacey Sullaphen, for envisaging and creating Sunny Mummy. Stace, to you, xxoo

By being positive, choosing to be happy, finding, owning and claiming my peace, my joy and my hope and 'marching to my own drummer' is being me.  Sometimes I am boisterous, but often quiet. Consistent, practical, logical and responsible. I can be fun, playful and creative. Serious, committed and loyal. Loving, affectionate and kind. I am me and I know how I tick.

To be positive, or 'sunny' does not entail I need to change my perspective.  I do not need to change my disposition nor do I need to be muted or ignore my feelings to conform. To be positive is to keep your eyes open, be tuned into your heart and listen to your gut. Often it means not being all rosy and rainbows but living completely by your truths and not being transient. Knowing there is always a lesson to learn, an opportunity to grow and blossom.

To be yourself, to be kind and to be real - this is my truth.

I am not perfect. I am forever evolving and learning. I am wary(learning from my life's lessons) and have learnt to surround myself with real, positive people. By being real, there are definite times when things aren't rosy.....when we are challenged with health and financial issues, and we are tested time and time again.  These times test our faith, test our love for each other and reveal people's intentions or agendas. We can during these times, learn a lot about ourselves, really put our beliefs to the test. I choose to jump back up, dust myself off, tweak things a little and move forward. Through all this - I try and stay positive, see the beauty and take the challenge on, head-on, to learn and grow. Don't get me wrong, I can still grow weary, get deflated, lose hope(temporarily) and get hurt, then I move on.

By being sunny, this does not mean I need to accept everything that comes my way. By being true - is also finding your voice and standing for what you believe, eliminating the negative, working hard not to enter into gossip or simply being mean. We all have choices, and I believe our behaviours, our words and our body language reflect our hearts.   I choose not to get revengeful, bitter or angry. Pissed off, for sure, I own these feeling, truly feel them, then move forward.

We all have elements in our lives that we love and parts that we do not. We have choices and we are free to disagree or do things differently. We make mistakes which we can learn from.  This is our own life and at the end of the day,  in the quiet of the night, our alone time... we are but with ourselves, then at the end of our days....I believe when we meet our maker and we answer for the path that we have lead, we face the decisions we have made, the love that we have shared ~we take ownership for our own entire life, thoughts, actions and our intentions. We cannot possibly be experts in all elements of each others' lives nor can we predict our own future and all that that entails.

The more I listen to my heart, the more in tune I am with my feelings, my health, my body and the love that I am willing to share.  I choose where to invest my time and energy so I don't rob my family of myself and is fruitful.  As I get older, I have less tolerance for negativity, self righteousness, facades, bitchiness, stupidity and gossip, the blame game or the hard done by story line. I am not interested in trivial issues - I am interested in the REAL issues, the heart issues. We all have a story, Joys and heartaches, triumphs and defeat. It's easy to point the finger and say, 'If only...', it's often harder to look at oneself and take ownership.

Forgiveness is the key. To forgive may not be ,to accept but rather not to carry another's burdens around on our own shoulders. To set ourselves free, to learn and not become bitter or revengeful.  The more we find and live our truth, the more often we are challenged. It would be easy to lie down and often surrender but I choose to be consistent, own my truth, be open to learn and live by love. I may not be there for all of the celebrations of life...but I can assure you, I am here for the big stuff, the 3am call in the middle of the night, the midnight dash to the hospital, to dress your wounds, to walk and talk with you through your panic attack, hold you when you are crying - to listen and to care. I can be found when there is no one else around and you are facing the real, challenging moments.

When I had my first born son, at the time, surrounding me was such adversity, yet I held this beautiful boy in my arms and often found myself admiring his features and mannerisms, singing, 'You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine....You make me happy when skies are grey........' I was holding this most precious life.

To be 'Sunny' is not always being agreeable, it's not waiting for the clouds to pass.....it's taking the here and now, drinking in the details, the people, the ambiance and having a thankful heart and mind. It's standing up for what you believe in, protecting the people closest to you and being real. It's not striving for having more, but being grateful for the blessings that surround us. It's keeping the vision in our eyes.

Don't be afraid to be yourself - even when judgment is rampant. 

Shine, baby shine!!

p.s.  and if the sun isn't shining, put on your gumboots and jump in some puddles.