Thursday, October 28, 2010

What shall today hold

Well, I am quite the organiser and planner but lately in my life I have realised I can only plan things in pencil as we truly never know what is around the corner or what curve ball the world will throw at our little family and the people surrounding us. Just when I have my heart set on something BOOM, something happens and throws all plans out the window.

So people close to me know that my husband, Dominic, has Chroninc Kidney Disease and has his treatment of dialysis at home on a regular occurance about every second day for 4 -8 hours a session (depending on what else is happening in our day). He has a fitsula(a connection that has been made from his vein to an artery to allow more blood flow in his arm and this is the access point he connects two needles in, to connect to his machine ~ which actually has a name Angel. We've had to accept her as our friend rather than a hinderance as it keeps my man functioning and really is like a guardian angel watching over us from the corner of our bedroom. It cleans out his blood of all the toxins, what our healthy kidneys do naturally and helps him get on with his life as "normal" as possible. This will continue until we receive that blessed phonecall to come in and receive the ultimate gift of life ~ a NEW KIDNEY.

A couple of nights ago, hubby was violently ill ( actually lost 4 1/2kg in an evening) and as a result his fitsula stopped buzzing due to dehydration, which is critical for his need to dialyse. I could go on with more details, at the moment, it still all feels quite fuzzy, but as I begin to defuzz this situation, I realise I thought I was losing my man, as I witnessed his collapse, I have been really processing that our life together is just beginning, we have so much still to discover,see, laugh, play and dance together that it really hit me that we are dealing with a life and death situation on a daily basis and I am not ready for us to part yet. We have four children together and we are at the beginning of our journey to observe and guide their growing and their discovery of this wondrous world and I want us to grow old together.I want to be a Nonna and Poppa together!!

Last night he had his operation to get the fitsula working again, and as we wait to see if it works - and stays working and Dom recovers from his surgery, we have to deal with the aftermath of what just happened and continue life as normal. I still have the school run, lunches, sports, washing, dishes, changing nappies which I guess, really keep everything in perspective as I realise, Life really does go on. As I duck down the shop to get bread and milk and greet the little asian shop keeper who greets me the same everytime, she doesn't know how the event of two days ago, rattled me and ultimately changed me to the person I was the day before as I continually learn about this life - our lives and the importance of love and sharing it and holding those closest to you, a little more closer and reminding them what they mean to us.

I remind my older children, Jordan 10 and Harley 7, to really not sweat the small stuff, not to be worriers and let your mind wonder off into all the 'what ifs' but to embrace the what is now and deal with things one step at a time and remain true and real.  Then we have a moment - Miss Lucia says 'Harley' and 'uh oh' for the first time and we are reminded all all things wondrous again and a new day has begun with giggles.


  1. Hi Kate,
    How scary that must have been for you! It's amazing the things we get used to when have to, when our survival depends on them. A dialysis machine in the bedroom would be pretty overwhelming for anyone, but for you it's just a fact of life. Top it all of with four (!) children and a lot of us will wonder just how you do it. But you just do it, because for you it's life.

    I hope today brings smiles and laughter for you. And that a kidney for your hubby is just around the corner...


  2. You are one of the strongest women I know... how you remain so positive is amazing. Your hubby and kids are sooo lucky to have such a beautiFULL caring lady in their lives. You are an insperation hon. xx

  3. Life goes on. Its an amazing and confronting thought. You want it to go on, yet sometimes you want life around us to understand how poignant a moment can be.


  4. Big hugs wonderful lady, keep the smiling on your face and the dance in your heart. Your children are lovely and you inspire many.