Well, I am quite the organiser and planner but lately in my life I have realised I can only plan things in pencil as we truly never know what is around the corner or what curve ball the world will throw at our little family and the people surrounding us. Just when I have my heart set on something BOOM, something happens and throws all plans out the window.
So people close to me know that my husband, Dominic, has Chroninc Kidney Disease and has his treatment of dialysis at home on a regular occurance about every second day for 4 -8 hours a session (depending on what else is happening in our day). He has a fitsula(a connection that has been made from his vein to an artery to allow more blood flow in his arm and this is the access point he connects two needles in, to connect to his machine ~ which actually has a name Angel. We've had to accept her as our friend rather than a hinderance as it keeps my man functioning and really is like a guardian angel watching over us from the corner of our bedroom. It cleans out his blood of all the toxins, what our healthy kidneys do naturally and helps him get on with his life as "normal" as possible. This will continue until we receive that blessed phonecall to come in and receive the ultimate gift of life ~ a NEW KIDNEY.
A couple of nights ago, hubby was violently ill ( actually lost 4 1/2kg in an evening) and as a result his fitsula stopped buzzing due to dehydration, which is critical for his need to dialyse. I could go on with more details, at the moment, it still all feels quite fuzzy, but as I begin to defuzz this situation, I realise I thought I was losing my man, as I witnessed his collapse, I have been really processing that our life together is just beginning, we have so much still to discover,see, laugh, play and dance together that it really hit me that we are dealing with a life and death situation on a daily basis and I am not ready for us to part yet. We have four children together and we are at the beginning of our journey to observe and guide their growing and their discovery of this wondrous world and I want us to grow old together.I want to be a Nonna and Poppa together!!
Last night he had his operation to get the fitsula working again, and as we wait to see if it works - and stays working and Dom recovers from his surgery, we have to deal with the aftermath of what just happened and continue life as normal. I still have the school run, lunches, sports, washing, dishes, changing nappies which I guess, really keep everything in perspective as I realise, Life really does go on. As I duck down the shop to get bread and milk and greet the little asian shop keeper who greets me the same everytime, she doesn't know how the event of two days ago, rattled me and ultimately changed me to the person I was the day before as I continually learn about this life - our lives and the importance of love and sharing it and holding those closest to you, a little more closer and reminding them what they mean to us.
I remind my older children, Jordan 10 and Harley 7, to really not sweat the small stuff, not to be worriers and let your mind wonder off into all the 'what ifs' but to embrace the what is now and deal with things one step at a time and remain true and real. Then we have a moment - Miss Lucia says 'Harley' and 'uh oh' for the first time and we are reminded all all things wondrous again and a new day has begun with giggles.